this is a sad post, as the contents is very dear to me, to whom who read this, may i remind you that this post is very personal to me. Thus, i appreciate it if you would not talked about it when u bump me crossing the street, or any other day that we'll meet. this post is a therapy, of me expressing my feelings and emotional. As i kept it away long, too long, for about 6 years.
thank you
my outer express happiness
as my smile would shield of the truth
i worked myself busy
but often, i will think of you
when the lift closes,
u'll be the one to cross my mind
as i'm driving to the horizon
ur words would ring my bell
and as i would sit alone
although in a room full of people,
i would sometimes have tears in my eyes
as my heart would think dearly of you,
and never fails to say a prayer for you
you have your hair wavy long
ma would have her hand going through it,
asking you to part it side ways
you have your collar up,
it would drive ma crazy
but u always wear it like that
on sunday morning
u'll play the hi-fi
and songs would fill up the air
you'll rempit just to have your newspaper
the sun,
and force ur kids to wake up in the morning
just to teman you to buy it
you'll always cook sambal petai
and everytime you would improvise it
making it better each time
and become one of the best petai ever
you'll have the organ
playing it when u have the time
singing bosa nova
jazz and blues
and many other lots
you'll kiss ur kids when they come home from school
you'll take pictures when we go for holidays
you'll take us to the library
you'll make sure we have breakfast on the table
f*ck shit...i cant write this no more
i'm crying my eyes out
i can never let it out
now, it took me 2 hours to write this post
.....
i just miss you too much
way too much
i never talked about it
after high school,
i never express my feelings
*cries*
and if so, i shall keep it again
for years to come
i cry in bed
i cry in the car
i cry in the lift
i cry while walking to home
i cry inside the toilet
although its only for a moment
a wee lil time
as u would cross my mind
and make my heart swirl anytime
i miss you
i truly do
(sh*t i'm crying my eyes out, i dunno if i'm ready to 'visit' u again)
i'm sorry, as i thought 6 years that i wouldnt be crying like a baby, still, but i guess i was wrong
i miss you
i really do
and i really thought i wouldnt be emotionally caught up
i am still
and always will be
sayang ku pada mu tiada terkata
bila ku cuba berbicara
saat sedih menyelubungi jiwa.
apa ku kata, apa ku rasa
pada kamu, papa tercinta
hanya Dia yang Esa,
faham isi hati dan minda.
*cries*
