UNTITLED....my dad use to say

my late dad use to say

"you are, what you belive in"

and he always ask me

"tell me what/who are you?"

and i replied

"unique"

and he ask me where do i know that word and what is unique

i said i learnt it from asia bagus and najib kept telling that thier are looking for someone unique

so i want to be 'that' person

i want to be unique















and my dad just smile

(a true story, i was only 6 back then)

=D i still belive i am until now

UNTITLED....a whirlwind inside my heart

kaki ku jenuh berjalan semalaman
kepak ku luluh di telan dek zaman

kalau aku bisa pergi ke hujung langit
mahu ku laung
mahu ku pekik
sedihnya hati mungkin tak terhingga
pada dia, mungkin tak diterima

sahabat ku semua senyum belaka
bercerita dunia
sang gembira
memang tiada duka

apa ini hukuman aku
pada saat ku naik hidup di kaki langit
bumi tarik
mahu ku ingat, pada sang perit

aku akur
aku mengerti
aku angguk
aku sendiri

ujian yg Maha Illahi
pada dunia, akhirat menanti

*aisyah looks at father's day gift*

and may all of you guys have a blast celebrating it
cos if you dont, believe me, one day u'll regret it

mark my words


i'm just here spreading my 'love'.....

and he said i was a fallen angel,
an angel of sadness,
but still,
an angel
his angel....

UNTITLED.....as i waited

*warning*
this is a sad post, as the contents is very dear to me, to whom who read this, may i remind you that this post is very personal to me. Thus, i appreciate it if you would not talked about it when u bump me crossing the street, or any other day that we'll meet. this post is a therapy, of me expressing my feelings and emotional. As i kept it away long, too long, for about 6 years.

thank you





my outer express happiness
as my smile would shield of the truth
i worked myself busy
but often, i will think of you

when the lift closes,
u'll be the one to cross my mind
as i'm driving to the horizon
ur words would ring my bell
and as i would sit alone
although in a room full of people,
i would sometimes have tears in my eyes
as my heart would think dearly of you,
and never fails to say a prayer for you


you have your hair wavy long
ma would have her hand going through it,
asking you to part it side ways

you have your collar up,
it would drive ma crazy
but u always wear it like that

on sunday morning
u'll play the hi-fi
and songs would fill up the air

you'll rempit just to have your newspaper
the sun,
and force ur kids to wake up in the morning
just to teman you to buy it

you'll always cook sambal petai
and everytime you would improvise it
making it better each time
and become one of the best petai ever

you'll have the organ
playing it when u have the time
singing bosa nova
jazz and blues
and many other lots

you'll kiss ur kids when they come home from school
you'll take pictures when we go for holidays
you'll take us to the library
you'll make sure we have breakfast on the table



































f*ck shit...i cant write this no more
i'm crying my eyes out
i can never let it out
now, it took me 2 hours to write this post

.....


i just miss you too much
way too much

i never talked about it
after high school,
i never express my feelings


*cries*


and if so, i shall keep it again
for years to come

i cry in bed
i cry in the car
i cry in the lift
i cry while walking to home
i cry inside the toilet

although its only for a moment
a wee lil time
as u would cross my mind
and make my heart swirl anytime

i miss you
i truly do



(sh*t i'm crying my eyes out, i dunno if i'm ready to 'visit' u again)

i'm sorry, as i thought 6 years that i wouldnt be crying like a baby, still, but i guess i was wrong

i miss you
i really do

and i really thought i wouldnt be emotionally caught up
i am still
and always will be

sayang ku pada mu tiada terkata
bila ku cuba berbicara
saat sedih menyelubungi jiwa.
apa ku kata, apa ku rasa
pada kamu, papa tercinta
hanya Dia yang Esa,
faham isi hati dan minda.

*cries*

UNTITLED.....ja-jan

right now...
i'm in kelantan
listening to jazz
munching on ja-jan

ja-jan?
a word old-skool kids used to use to describe willy wonka's products.
and when i mean old-skool
this is old-skool

we stop by at a shop and we acted like lil kids
whom havent seen coklats and sweets for a very long time
the thing is
for these sort of sweets, i admit
sudah lama ku tidak makan gula-gula versi lama
and danggggg.... we miss it
i miss it
yum yum yum







and oh ya,
y kelantan?
me cousin's getting married
future wife is from kuala krai
1 hour from kota bahru
me mom, kak june and anggun, me 3 lil sis and me
are here together at the hotel

me 2 bros?
they are on a bus tonite heading straight for me granma's
this is the 1st time kak june is here in kelantan
and for Anggun...

i think she enjoys it...huhuhuuh....







and for me
its been 6 years i didnt set foot here

its time for me to pay my respect

papa...
on saturday/sunday, i'll be 'visiting' u soon

=)

UNTITLED...a song to remember

Papa,
sorry
I promise to myself that i wouldnt cry again
and yet tears runs down my cheek
why?

let me begin
as i was browsing down the event websites
on music scene and show times
i came across this

Deep Purple LIVE in Malaysia
Venue: Arena of Stars, Genting Highlands
When: 08:00PM - 16 May 2010

yes, papa
they're performing
this weekend
and i am excited, although i know i'm not going

but i know if you're 'here',
you're surely go

but thinking bout that didnt make me cry
this did

I have often told you stories
About the way
I lived the life of a drifter
Waiting for the day
When I'd take your hand
And sing you songs
Then maybe you would say
Come lay with me love me
And I would surely stay

But I feel I'm growing older
And the songs that I have sung
Echo in the distance
Like the sound
Of a windmill goin' 'round
I guess I'll always be
A soldier of fortune

Many times I've been a traveller
I looked for something new
In days of old
When nights were cold
I wandered without you
But those days I thougt my eyes
Had seen you standing near
Though blindness is confusing
It shows that you're not here

Now I feel I'm growing older
And the songs that I have sung
Echo in the distance
Like the sound
Of a windmill goin' 'round
I guess I'll always be
A soldier of fortune
I can hear the sound
Of a windmill goin' 'round
I guess I'll always be
A soldier of fortune

this was the song you put as ur ringtone last time


and i truly missed you

i cant help reading through it,
i thought i wouldnt cry again after these years,
but i guess i was wrong
you are just 'beautiful'
and i missed you very,very,very much

syasya,
oldies have 'clean' and beautiful lyrics inside
i'm not saying that,now, it doesnt
but most nowadays songs are just plain rubbish.
we shud look back and listen to them,
it'll make us who we are,
as the lyrics will potray 'what' we are

word....

UNTITLED....a day fill with love

i slept at 4.30am,woke up at nine
came to work, was late, but bukak on time

normally, i'll be such a pain in the ass if i tak cukup tido
grumpy or moody
and sometimes, bodo and giler
i remember one partner says that i was like a drunk girl,
talking gibbrish and walking with steam eyes
-_-"

but today was different
something wrong somewhere
not because it was a suwe day
but it end up beautiful
and yet wonderful

work
was just nice and smooth
yes busy, yes few bumps,
but everything was nice
in the end, went to digital mall
to get ink
went through the streets of 14
pop at kfc, tapau
went back

man...i miss lepaking at 14

got inside the car,
isi petrol
went to serdang
jam pack...
& yet i was in good mood
to make it better...
it was jazz kitchen
so
being a jazz lover
just listening to the tunes
and solo sessions
was just awesome

got home
my family was there
yup
a cute mini muffin was there
Anggun Zara
"who she look like?", ask me bro
i told him
"just like how we shud look like"
"an M-hair forehead...and a line-chin"
everybody kept quite
"just like a Mokhtars shud look like..."
"she has the features of Papa..."
i added
and they all smile
yup
she does
and its obvious
me mom sent maryam, came back
and took the rest to banting

me, asyeeq and shamimi went to pudu
send sham to the bus
and drove back to banting
and all the way back
swing time was playing

funny thing was
my bro asyeeq
he sang one song
which i kept quite
"fly me to the moon...let me play wit all the stars...."

its was just plain beautiful

i'm bitter, yes
but i guess
i was never broken

and i know u'll be smiling also
as each steps that i take
i'll think of u,
and the surroundings remind me so much of u
looky Papa, ur lil' girl didnt cry today
happy, yet supple in a way

"and the Priest remind the lonely girl again,
every tears that she shed, twice the happiness she will get...."

UNTITLED...legend has it

An owl came and asks me to be its friend
A gift, or a curse?
I found a baby squirrel and raise it as my own
A gift, or a curse?
I played with a snake; put my finger in its mouth
A gift, or a curse?
A royal elephant bow two times under my command
A gift, or a curse?
I notice how flower bees have conversation with each other
A gift, or a curse?
I never failed to notice white or black buttery flies flying around my present
A gift, or a curse?
I manage to make homeless dogs to followed me, but I can’t take care of them
A gift, or a curse?
Its evolving….this gift or curse

And the legend continues….

That I can fly off in the air if I wanted to
I can communicate and see what others don’t
That I can help the helpless and giving needs to the need ones
That I have the strength to fight in wars and combats

Many have called me name
Trying to define who am i
Better yet
What am i

They say I was born pure blood
They say that I’m a human child with gifts that man can only dream off

Yeah rite….

Just another walk in the park for me
Its going to be 25 years now
And I am still stuck in the maze of life

Papa, what should I do?
Once u were the guardian
And now
They ask me to take your place
How come?
I’m just a girl..
They tried taking her away
They succeed only half
Now, the others need me,
But me alone, I can’t do it
It’s hard being pure blood
Is it a Gift, or a Curse?

Dan bila mereka di jalan yang lurus
Belajar mengawal, berbicara, mengurus
Maka dengan itu, hadiah itu berkembang
Tapi bila di bentuk, di situ ada simpang
Ke kanan baik, ke kiri buruk
Di pilihnye satu, dahi berkerut
Kamu mahu jadi apa, sang manusia
Penari, Pemusnah, Percaya atau Pencinta?

UNTITLED...a give from a father to her daugther

Dear Papa,
I am happy...
huhuhuhu....
y?
me bought the set already
the best part
its cheap
huhuhu
actually didi was the one who help me chip in
although its just RM35.95
huhuhu...
she says i'm weird
asyeeq says i'm weird
because literally, i jump in joy when i say it
i was so exicited
like a baby found a lollipop
even the cd shop girl was laughing when they see the act
wateva...
huhuhu
i got it...

The Greatest Collection-Studio Gibli present

huhuhu...grin

and i remember the 1st time u bought the cd home and we watch it

Princess Mononoke...

then comes Spirited Away

and oh i'm greatful to have you as my dad

Lurv u always

xoxoxo
Syasya